I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
