If that was your dad, he is hot
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
