Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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