checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize