She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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