i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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