and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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