I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize