I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to make out with him forever
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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