I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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