Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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