I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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