i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
