There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
