she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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