I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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