the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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