Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
