as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
