Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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