How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
