I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
