Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
