You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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