The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
A bitchslap is in order.
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