You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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