k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
