I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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