Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
