Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
