i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
