Welp...herpes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
