good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
