He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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