I'm really into asian looking animals
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
