The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
