I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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