If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
