True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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