either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize