you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
