It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
