Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
