can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
