I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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