My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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