we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
