Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i came on her dog
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
