just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
