the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
