oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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