I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
