i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize