if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
