I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
