Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
