I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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