well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
