hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
