He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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