I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
