I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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