i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
