not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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