did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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