saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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