who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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