He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
