When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
