Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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